I was playing with Tyler this morning as he went to town with his lego-like blocks. One particular interesting structure caught my eye, and I immediately asked "Tyler what is that one supposed to be?" He looked at me for a moment and hesitated. Then asked, "What is that one supposed to be?" in a quizzical tone that made me aware he wasn't quite sure what I was getting at.
I continued. "What is it supposed to be? Is it a crane truck?"
He still looked a bit confused but repeated back to me, "Yeah, it's a crane truck."
And then I started thinking. I knew Tyler wasn't thinking the structure was necessarily a crane truck because he hesitated, and with crane trucks (when his structures are crane trucks) he does not hesitate. He is very certain of what they are and makes sure everyone else has clarity as well.
But I realized in this moment my desire to make sure it (whatever it might be) had a label. What Tyler created was supposed to be something, it was an assumption that when he was creating it he knew for sure what he pictured it to be. And I thought about how this was, perhaps, how I viewed myself and the direction I take in life. There is a bit of occasional anxiety when I don't have it all figured out--mapped--for the next 5, 10 or more years of what I want to do, to become, as if the label (i.e. career direction, family direction, spiritual and emotional direction) needed to be clear at every step.
I wondered if this desire to label is actually more inhibiting than freeing. Tyler's block structure was just that: a block structure, and perhaps the greater freedom comes from allowing it to be that without boxing it into a category. Rather, over time it might even morph into a crane truck or a building or a tree or an animal when the game calls for it.
So to move out of the block analogy (and if it was overly confusing with how my mind worked that out hopefully I can redeem that here): I thought of what our true callings and purpose are while we are on this world and came to the idea that maybe it centers on a much more general notion than I previously thought...that is, to learn to love and receive love first from God and then others. Our purpose is to love, praise and serve. It seems that everything else we do would fall into these categories. And the freedom of accepting these callings/purpose is that we, too, may express this differently over the course of our lives. It may be one thing, but probably it will be several from treating neighbors with kindness, to loving your kids, to following a deep passion, to serving others, to helping others find their voice and standing up for those who are not being heard and so on.
When people asked me what I wanted to do with my life in high school or college, my immediate response would be to think of a vocation or something tangible (i.e. have a family, travel and so on). Now, I'm beginning to see how my response is changing.
How would I answer that question now?
I want to give and receive love. I want to praise God through my actions and thoughts. I want to speak up for others, and let the many blessings I've already been given in this life be used to the greatest possible effect. I want to learn and to never stop learning. And I do not want to box myself in to what I or others may think this structure that God created called "me" is supposed to be. I want to just let it be and see what happens.
Maybe, just maybe, it will take a variety of creative forms over time, each form being called forth when it is needed. That, I think, would be pretty cool.
