We are potty training now (eek!), and Tyler loves wearing his big boy underpants. He has his favorites, but generally he's excited for any pair. We ran into a problem the other day, however, when he insisted he wanted to wear two sets. No big deal really, except for the fact that we were running low on the day's supply...two would be too high a risk at that particular moment. So I said no, one pair would be enough. And then he said "but I want two" to which I countered a reasoned argument, "I hear that you want to wear two, but we need to save the others just in case we need them this afternoon. So right now, you can wear one, which would you like?" And of course, he answered, "But I want two."
We went back and forth a bit, and then, after he ran out of an allotted amount of time to choose for himself I put one of the underpants back in the drawer. And then: The tears! The utter dismay! How could I? Where was his right to self-expression?
I needed a breather myself and stepped out of the room until he calmed down. This is not a big deal, I told myself...why does this have to be such a big deal? With all the problems in our world, why is it that Tyler and I are in disagreement and now in tantrum-mode over an extra pair of underpants? Ugh!
And then I heard God whisper, "Ah, yes, remember how this is not a big deal the next time you feel completely frustrated at a small matter. Emotions can over take you, but the reality remains that it is not a big deal. Remember that time when you were upset because your hair was extra frizzy in the morning or the time when you washed a tissue with all of the dark clothes and lint covered everything? It felt just like Tyler feels right now, didn't it? But remember how the emotion passed. It's important to train your tongue, your body, your mind to withstand the emotion--by not saying things you regret later, acting like a fool, or displaying an adult-like tantrum. Maybe next time, you can pray to me for strength and wisdom instead. Take a moment to breathe and face the emotion straight on, willing yourself not to let it overtake you. And when you need to cry in frustration, cry on my shoulder. Tell me. Let me comfort you."
My frustration switched to empathy for Tyler. I did know this feeling, and felt it more than I like to admit. So when there was a pause in the crying I poked my head back in.
"Hey Buddy, do you need a hug?" And without answering with words he came over and nestled into my arms. Then he recounted what happened:
"I was sad, then I cried a little bit."
"Yes, and why were you sad?"
"I was sad because I wanted to wear two underwears and Mommy said 'No, only one.' Then I cried a little bit, but then I feel better."
"I'm glad you feel better. Are you ready to put your underwear and pants on?"
"Yes, I'm happy now. Maybe we can go play outside, do that one Mommy?"
"Sounds like a great idea Tyler. I'm glad you are happy now."
It was a peaceful transition from tantrum to fun, and a wonderful reminder that frustrating moments do come, and many times it is over very small instances. For me, I am going to remember that it is what we do in those moments with our frustration rather than trying to avoid the frustration completely that counts. God is there, He cares. He wants to comfort us and soothe us in those times of need, even if they seem trivial (or huge depending on the moment...). Just like the toddler's tantrum, it passes.
We have an opportunity to choose wisely with every circumstance we face. Some of them provoke joy, others grief, others laughter and others anger and sadness. When we face those trials (even the trivial ones) that bring frustration, sadness or anger--may we lean on God to direct us how to deal with the emotion. May we allow God to comfort us, and may we still seek to embody love (1 Cor 13 version) throughout it all. May we find God's shoulder to cry on and let His loving arms tell us that, "It really is going to be okay."
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." ~James 1:2-6
