Sleeping Tigers and Grumpy Lions

Tyler needed a vaccination this week, one with a side effect explained to us as "possible attitude fluctuations".  That didn't sound so bad, and who wouldn't "fluctuate" a bit after being poked with a needle?  But, the next day, we realized the nurse had been a bit of a spin doctor.  Attitude fluctuation= BIG mood swing.   It was most evident last night.  Sometimes, while Tyler takes a bath, we play music and sing along.  Creating an atmosphere of fun, laughter and pre-bedtime bonding is the goal.  Last night was no exception and it started well.

But then Tyler requested "The Tiger Sleeps Tonight".

Me: You mean "The Lion Sleeps Tonight?"
Tyler: No, I want to listen to "The Tiger Sleeps Tonight"

My mother instinct kicked in (at least I think it was that--there's a chance it was also the fact that I have never heard of a song about tigers sleeping, but know for a fact there is one about lions sleeping--which we have listened to recently--and tigers are in the same animal family as lions so it is plausible that Tyler really wanted the song I was thinking about) so I dropped the conversation and just said:

Me: Ok, I know what song you mean.  Let's play that one.
Tyler: Ok.  Yes, let's play that one.

So I played the song we have listened to many times before, and he was enjoying it...UNTIL...they sang "the LION sleeps tonight".  His face said it all: they sang the wrong song!

Tyler: No, no, no, no!  It's NOT the LION sleeps tonight.  It's the TIGER!!
Me (thinking to myself): Hmmm...perhaps the attitude fluctuations kicking in?

Tyler: (really grumpy-like) I DON'T WANT THIS SONG!!!  (starts crying)
Me (again, thinking to myself as I'm turning off the music): If this is what they call a fluctuation I don't even want to think about what a swing would be...

I'm not going to lie.  It took extra patience to not start giving a lecture on the topic of: "Really, this is NOT a big deal" and to remind myself that this was the vaccination talking.  And then, memories of times when I've been "fluctuating" started pouring to mind (I would have preferred a drizzle, but there you go).  And compassion replaced frustration.

So instead of a lecture I tried to tell a story.  A story about how when the shot puts the medicines into the body something funny happens.  The body needs to work really hard to make sure the medicine doesn't get lost, in case the body ever needs the medicine one day.  This makes the body a bit extra tired, and when we get tired we sometimes get grumpy.  And when we get grumpy we can sometimes feel like "roaring" like a lion.

Tyler screamed through the entire story.  I'm pretty sure he didn't hear a word of it.  But I think it proved the point of my story.

Eventually, he calmed down (when all the bath water drained and he realized he was getting cold).  Thankfully, the attitude fluctuated back to his happy self, and we read our stories.  As he started to climb into bed he stopped, ran back and gave me a huge hug, a kiss and said "I love you Mommy." 

Mush.  If someone in that moment had come along and told me my son had just been screaming uncontrollably a few minutes prior I would have laughed at them.  And it is in these moments that I fully appreciate the power of love and the gift of a child.  Yes, parenting can be tiring.  Yes, there are moments when I want to join in the screaming and pull my hair out.  Yes, it is hard.   But it is so beautiful.  Children may not know how to do a lot of things yet (i.e. control their emotions, but then, really, it's also an issue for most of us adults...), but they know how to love without holding back.  They hold their hearts out on their sleeves, and receiving that love is the best gift that anyone, and especially this mother, could ask for.

And so I tucked my previous Grumpy Lion into his bed, sang our songs, did our prayers, gave him kisses and said goodnight.  And later that night, when I went in to check on him, I remembered the "song of crisis" from bathtime, and thought perhaps, the point was not whether the sleeping animal was a lion, a tiger or whatever: what mattered was that it was sleeping. 

Pretending to be Scary (Grumpy) Lions

The fun of paper bags and construction paper! 

Oh yes, Mommy gets a turn (I believe this is what people see when I don't get enough sleep...)

The Sunflower Sword

Tyler and Luke recently took out a new book from the library called The Sunflower Sword, and we have all fallen in love with it.  At the moment, we read it before bed at night and sometimes multiple times a day.  It is the story of a boy who wants to be a knight, but his mother will not let him have a sword.  Instead she gives him a sunflower, which he moans about a bit but then finds that it "whooshes and swooshes" nicely.  He has fun with this sunflower sword and pretends to slay all the dragons with it. 

But then...a real dragon turns up!  He whooshes and swooshes as fiercely as he can as the dragon breathes fire and creates all sorts of smoke.  Until...the dragon thinks that the flower is for her! 

It turns out the dragon is not so mean after all and they become dear friends.  Then (and this is the best part) ALL the knights in the land hear about this and learn that an enemy can become a friend.  So, they all come to the same spot and give up their swords to become friends with the dragons.

A beautiful story!

So Tyler and I were struck with a moment of creativity early Sunday morning and decided to make a flower sword (it would have been a sunflower except for the simple fact that we are currently out of yellow construction paper) and find him a "knight's" (colander--same as the boy in the book) hat.  He whooshed and swooshed with all his might too, and I honestly can say I totally see how the dragon could think the flower was for her. 

Below are some of the pictures from the morning's venture in making the book "alive" in our home.  I absolutely am loving this make believe playing stage.  Such fun!

 

Supposed to be

I was playing with Tyler this morning as he went to town with his lego-like blocks.  One particular interesting structure caught my eye, and I immediately asked "Tyler what is that one supposed to be?"  He looked at me for a moment and hesitated.  Then asked, "What is that one supposed to be?" in a quizzical tone that made me aware he wasn't quite sure what I was getting at.

I continued.  "What is it supposed to be?  Is it a crane truck?"

He still looked a bit confused but repeated back to me, "Yeah, it's a crane truck."

And then I started thinking.  I knew Tyler wasn't thinking the structure was necessarily a crane truck because he hesitated, and with crane trucks (when his structures are crane trucks) he does not hesitate.  He is very certain of what they are and makes sure everyone else has clarity as well.

But I realized in this moment my desire to make sure it (whatever it might be) had a label.  What Tyler created was supposed to be something, it was an assumption that when he was creating it he knew for sure what he pictured it to be.  And I thought about how this was, perhaps, how I viewed myself and the direction I take in life.  There is a bit of occasional anxiety when I don't have it all figured out--mapped--for the next 5, 10 or more years of what I want to do, to become, as if the label (i.e. career direction, family direction, spiritual and emotional direction) needed to be clear at every step.

I wondered if this desire to label is actually more inhibiting than freeing.  Tyler's block structure was just that: a block structure, and perhaps the greater freedom comes from allowing it to be that without boxing it into a category.  Rather, over time it might even morph into a crane truck or a building or a tree or an animal when the game calls for it.

So to move out of the block analogy (and if it was overly confusing with how my mind worked that out hopefully I can redeem that here): I thought of what our true callings and purpose are while we are on this world and came to the idea that maybe it centers on a much more general notion than I previously thought...that is, to learn to love and receive love first from God and then others.  Our purpose is to love, praise and serve.  It seems that everything else we do would fall into these categories.  And the freedom of accepting these callings/purpose is that we, too, may express this differently over the course of our lives.  It may be one thing, but probably it will be several from treating neighbors with kindness, to loving your kids, to following a deep passion, to serving others, to helping others find their voice and standing up for those who are not being heard and so on.

When people asked me what I wanted to do with my life in high school or college, my immediate response would be to think of a vocation or something tangible (i.e. have a family, travel and so on).  Now, I'm beginning to see how my response is changing.

How would I answer that question now?

I want to give and receive love.  I want to praise God through my actions and thoughts.  I want to speak up for others, and let the many blessings I've already been given in this life be used to the greatest possible effect. I want to learn and to never stop learning.  And I do not want to box myself in to what I or others may think this structure that God created called "me" is supposed to be.  I want to just let it be and see what happens.

Maybe, just maybe, it will take a variety of creative forms over time, each form being called forth when it is needed.  That, I think, would be pretty cool.

Dumpling Disaster

It started with a discounted box of dumpling mix, brought over to us by some neighbors of ours last winter.  We didn't make them, the mix sat in the box.  To be honest, we're not much of a dumpling family and the thought of putting in effort into making something that we didn't really like and isn't healthy for you robbed all motivation. So it became a pretend kitchen item for Tyler to play with and functioned quite well in its role.

Until two weeks ago.

I was playing with Tyler as he cooked me some gourmet cuisine on his stove including a helicopter that transformed into an apple tree:

"What are you cooking Tyler?"
He replied with what I thought sounded like "an apple".
"An apple?"
"No an apple tree."
"Oh, right.  You're cooking an apple tree?"
"Yeah, a yummy apple tree."

All was wonderful creative imaginative play, and then he spotted the dumpling box.

Tyler: "I want to cook that one."
Me: "Great, that's a wonderful idea.  Let's cook that one on your stove."
Tyler begins to open the box.
Me: "Oh, wait a minute.  Let's just pretend to cook the dumplings, like how you cooked the apple tree."
Tyler: "I want to take it out and cook it on my stove in my pan."

And so, without thinking it through, and in a moment of careless inhibition I thought, 'Why not?  It will be a fun opportunity to work more of the senses, a chance for me to relax about messes, and a cool memory.  Plus, how bad could it really be to clean up a little batter?'

I can hear any seasoned mothers as well as anyone who benefits from wisdom or merely has the ability to foreshadow mumbling their comments...you are right.  Bad idea.

Turns out, it does make a big mess.  I'm not familiar with what is in dumpling batter but whatever it is seemed to make it particularly difficult to clean after the fact.  There were remnants of the white goo for several days, although thankfully in smaller and smaller quantities.

However, the fun that Tyler had in what he created with this new hands-on experience  made it worthwhile.  It was a stretch for me to enjoy the process of making a huge (HUGE!) mess knowing I would most definitely be the one cleaning all of it up afterwards, but it taught me to relax in the moment (when the goop is already dripping over everything, mine as well enjoy the moment--you are already going to spend loads of time cleaning it up with q-tips and scrub brushes, why not be reminiscing a joyful moment rather than a stressful one?).

To see him concentrating so hard on pouring the batter, mixing it together, pouring it into various places and rubbing it all over his hands and face (and clothes and me and tiny crevices and cracks that I had never noticed before) was absolutely precious.  He was in his element.  Toddlers need to make a mess and need to be free to create...to let their minds and hands experience new textures and ways of fun.  He loved it and was so proud of his final product: a stack of plastic food items covered in dumpling batter served lovingly to me on a plate ("Here you go Mommy.  I made this one for you." I think my heart melted into some dumpling goop in that moment). A wonderful experience for us both.

So for next time: To goop or not to goop?

Most definitely: goop!

...as long as it is outside in an easily cleanable bucket with smocks or bathing suits and we have easy access to a paddling pool or hose...(feeling relaxed about creating messes does take its time to develop...)