Here is a link to an article by a woman I had the privilege to meet before we moved to York. Her name is Janell Hofmann, and she lives in the town where I grew up (Sandwich, MA) with her five kids and husband. She lives an inspirational life and is involved with an organization that works with women freed from prostitution and sexual slavery called Made by Survivors.
She is also a writer and posted a blog worth reading called "'Mom, I'm Fat:' One Mother's Inspired Response to her 7 year old": http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/01/mom-im-fat-one-mothers-inspired-response-to-her-7-year-old/
Yay for bold and confident women! And a double yay for aiming to teach our children to be the same!
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Thursday, 15 December 2011
A British Pantomime Experience
Luke and I had our first British "Panto" experience on Monday night. We celebrated his birthday early (due to other shows on his birthday being sold out--it's a VERY popular Christmas activity here in York). Not sure what to expect, we went with open minds thinking we'd be watching something that was along the lines of mime. Far from it! And, if we had done a google search beforehand or looked it up on wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantomime) we would have found out that it is in fact a musical comedy. The one we went to was Aladdin, and yes, the audience was filled with children and their parents (and if you are wondering: at one point we wondered whether we should bring Tyler to an afternoon show, but decided that he wouldn't be able to sit that long). As it turns out (since it is not mime) there was lots of loud music, flashing lights and a super scary villain so we're even more convinced that bringing Tyler would have been a fairly traumatic experience for him (especially considering that we even need to fast forward through "scary" parts of the children's animated book The Gruffalo and classic Disney film The Jungle Book) .
But back to the Aladdin panto. I could tell at the beginning that Luke was not quite so sure, and neither was I. There is quite a bit of audience interaction in a pantomime, and I'll be honest it is out of my comfort zone. But by the end of the first half our modes had switched. The children within us decided to show themselves and thoroughly enjoyed "Booing" Ebenezer (the evil character) and yelling to the good guys that a ghost was right behind them (as they sang the Ghostbuster theme song). It was a blast!! To be caught up in the story, the imaginative creativity of the show, part we were told to play...was magical.
And at the end of the show we transformed back into the adults we are, and decided to continue the magic at a pub on the way home with a mulled wine and a local beer called Humbug. The best of both worlds.
If you are interested in sampling what we experienced that night check out
this clip of an Aladdin pantomime from several years ago:
this clip of an Aladdin pantomime from several years ago:
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Getting lost in the creativity of work
Yesterday I looked at the long list of things to do and started to feel overwhelmed. I wanted them to just be done. The thought of spending long hours analyzing text and themes did not appeal to me. Reading about critical discourse analysis, social constructionism and countless studies that need to be found and read to back up my work felt as exciting as someone saying you need to stare at a dot on a wall for 57 hours straight.
What confused me a bit was that I could feel the dread of this work and simultaneously know that I actually love thinking about these topics. I find them fascinating. But other than the intrigue, a roadblock set itself down before me when I tried to think about a larger reason or impact that spending hours and days analyzing the way one newspaper article headline was worded would have on my life, my family, my community and yes, even the world.
And yet this is the nature of my work, the particular forms of analysis I am interested in...it is sloooooow. That's the point. It's not about breadth but depth. However, there is still the uncomfortable feeling resting beneath that tells me that doing these things can't possibly matter and questions whether it is a waste of time.
But ending on this thought would be devastating and fruitless.
It is not a waste of time because I am realizing it is not just about the task at hand. Yes, finishing a chapter or a section of a chapter is important. Getting the reading done is critical, but the process and the time spent being lost in thought--asking new questions, trying to connect the dots in a different way, enjoying the possibilities of what a word or phrase is implying or assuming is absolutely essential. It is where the creativity of the work is born and allowed to grow into something (potentially) worthwhile. And if nothing else, allowing the time to think and explore makes for a happy day. It makes the work fulfilling and enjoyable rather than trying to rush it by to get to the next thing. It is about living life in the moment and learning that striving for results ruins the here and now, it stunts the growth of what you are doing and turns the focus away from what needs to be learned.
On this note, I've included the following video (I received it in an email from a professor in the Centre for Applied Human Rights here at the University of York)--it's cute and insightful:
So I want to aim to start getting lost in the creativity of the work--allowing time to think and explore and get beyond that "first idea". This applies to any job I think, and for me I fully intend to use it both at home and at the university: for my parenting, housekeeping, researching and teaching.
I also found this clip helpful. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist and has done research on how to be happy at work. Here is what he says needs to be done to get there (and it's not about the big careers with lots of glory and rewards...):
What confused me a bit was that I could feel the dread of this work and simultaneously know that I actually love thinking about these topics. I find them fascinating. But other than the intrigue, a roadblock set itself down before me when I tried to think about a larger reason or impact that spending hours and days analyzing the way one newspaper article headline was worded would have on my life, my family, my community and yes, even the world.
And yet this is the nature of my work, the particular forms of analysis I am interested in...it is sloooooow. That's the point. It's not about breadth but depth. However, there is still the uncomfortable feeling resting beneath that tells me that doing these things can't possibly matter and questions whether it is a waste of time.
But ending on this thought would be devastating and fruitless.
It is not a waste of time because I am realizing it is not just about the task at hand. Yes, finishing a chapter or a section of a chapter is important. Getting the reading done is critical, but the process and the time spent being lost in thought--asking new questions, trying to connect the dots in a different way, enjoying the possibilities of what a word or phrase is implying or assuming is absolutely essential. It is where the creativity of the work is born and allowed to grow into something (potentially) worthwhile. And if nothing else, allowing the time to think and explore makes for a happy day. It makes the work fulfilling and enjoyable rather than trying to rush it by to get to the next thing. It is about living life in the moment and learning that striving for results ruins the here and now, it stunts the growth of what you are doing and turns the focus away from what needs to be learned.
On this note, I've included the following video (I received it in an email from a professor in the Centre for Applied Human Rights here at the University of York)--it's cute and insightful:
So I want to aim to start getting lost in the creativity of the work--allowing time to think and explore and get beyond that "first idea". This applies to any job I think, and for me I fully intend to use it both at home and at the university: for my parenting, housekeeping, researching and teaching.
I also found this clip helpful. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist and has done research on how to be happy at work. Here is what he says needs to be done to get there (and it's not about the big careers with lots of glory and rewards...):
Friday, 18 November 2011
On being 30
Last Friday I turned 30. I think I am okay with this. In fact, I believe that turning 29 was a bit harder--the last year of my 20s, the end of decade. Now, I have a clean slate. The 30s are wide open with possibility and I have just begun. I remember hearing Joan Anderson (author of the book A Year by the Sea and many others) speak a few years ago and loved her description of each decade being a separate chapter of your life. I've held onto that metaphor, and have high hopes that this next chapter in my life will be an exciting one. With that said, I also want to join in on a family trend at the moment where I map out 30 things to do while I'm 30 (for most of the other family members doing this it's actually supposed to be by the time you turn a certain age, but when I decided I was going to do it I only had a week before my birthday and let's face it: 30 additional things to do when you want the items to be interesting and varied is a lot!).
So here's the list (which is subject to edits as time goes along):
1) Dance in the rain (an easy one to start...we are in England after all)
2) Go to the famous Betty's tearoom with Luke
3) Run a road race
4) Attend Wimbledon
5) Publish something (anything!)
6) Go on a family bike (day) trip
7) Make significant headway on my thesis
8) Cook a roast dinner (yes, I still have never done this)
9) Take part in a 24 prayer vigil (rotating turns)
10) Try 5 different types of ethnic cuisine (i.e. Turkish, Morroccan, etc)
11) Read the entire Bible cover to cover
12) Read 5 books by British writers (bonus to then see where they lived!)
13) Hike a mountain (or closest thing to it based on accessibility...i.e. if it is here then maybe a hill)
14) Visit the York Art Gallery
15) Learn/relearn French (or at least some useful phrases)
16) Tour the Jorvik Viking Centre
17) Go out to eat on a date to Cafe Rouge
18) Travel back to the States for a holiday to see family/friends
19) Write more letters to our Compassion children
20) See/visit the lavendar farm just outside of York
21) Sing carols in the Minister
22) Walk all the Roman walls in York
23) Bring Tyler to his first show/kids performance
24) Write a children's story
25) Host a fundraiser
26) Buy a nice bottle of red wine and local cheeses (from Newgate market) to have for an in-house date
27) Come up with 52 in-house dates to do for less than $5
28) Do enough stretching so that I can touch my toes without pain :)
29) Be able to do 20 pushups in a row
30) Come up with a list of 1095 things I am grateful for over the course of the year (the number is assuming an average of 3 per day)
There you have it...a list of 30 things I'd like to do this year (subject to edits!). And so I am going to sign off and begin: maybe by starting to work on those pushups, or maybe some writing on the children's story, or perhaps the French? Phew! It's exhausting just thinking about all there is to do, unless maybe...I've got it! I think I should start with that nice bottle of red and local cheeses? Hmmm...yes, now that I'm thinking about it...yup, I think that's the one! Happy Friday!
So here's the list (which is subject to edits as time goes along):
1) Dance in the rain (an easy one to start...we are in England after all)
2) Go to the famous Betty's tearoom with Luke
3) Run a road race
4) Attend Wimbledon
5) Publish something (anything!)
6) Go on a family bike (day) trip
7) Make significant headway on my thesis
8) Cook a roast dinner (yes, I still have never done this)
9) Take part in a 24 prayer vigil (rotating turns)
10) Try 5 different types of ethnic cuisine (i.e. Turkish, Morroccan, etc)
11) Read the entire Bible cover to cover
12) Read 5 books by British writers (bonus to then see where they lived!)
13) Hike a mountain (or closest thing to it based on accessibility...i.e. if it is here then maybe a hill)
14) Visit the York Art Gallery
15) Learn/relearn French (or at least some useful phrases)
16) Tour the Jorvik Viking Centre
17) Go out to eat on a date to Cafe Rouge
18) Travel back to the States for a holiday to see family/friends
19) Write more letters to our Compassion children
20) See/visit the lavendar farm just outside of York
21) Sing carols in the Minister
22) Walk all the Roman walls in York
23) Bring Tyler to his first show/kids performance
24) Write a children's story
25) Host a fundraiser
26) Buy a nice bottle of red wine and local cheeses (from Newgate market) to have for an in-house date
27) Come up with 52 in-house dates to do for less than $5
28) Do enough stretching so that I can touch my toes without pain :)
29) Be able to do 20 pushups in a row
30) Come up with a list of 1095 things I am grateful for over the course of the year (the number is assuming an average of 3 per day)
There you have it...a list of 30 things I'd like to do this year (subject to edits!). And so I am going to sign off and begin: maybe by starting to work on those pushups, or maybe some writing on the children's story, or perhaps the French? Phew! It's exhausting just thinking about all there is to do, unless maybe...I've got it! I think I should start with that nice bottle of red and local cheeses? Hmmm...yes, now that I'm thinking about it...yup, I think that's the one! Happy Friday!
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Our 3 year old
Yesterday Tyler turned 3--a wonderful number I think. There are many significant things that come in threes: I come from a family of 3 kids, currently Luke, Tyler and I are a family of 3, we plan to live in the UK for 3 years (2 more from this point), when I was 3 I thought I was a big kid and "big kids can play in the parking lot" or so the story goes, we generally eat 3 meals a day, and if we're on the subject: I really enjoy 3 course meals, in tennis you need to win 2 out of 3 sets, my first road race was about 3 miles, I remember watching and enjoying The 3 Musketeers (and didn't mind the candy bar come Halloween time either), and so on. Even The Guardian, a national UK newspaper, wrote about the significance of "3" back in 2003 (check out: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2003/mar/03/netnotes.simonjeffery to read about it)
It's everywhere: the number 3, which makes me think (and wish I could remember that time of life myself) it's a pretty cool age to be for Tyler.
The world is still pretty new, and everyday is an incredible learning experience. At 3 the bonus is you are starting to understand more and be able to converse about your thoughts (which makes for some really cute sayings and to be fair some not so cute--please don't say that in public--sayings).
Most importantly, I hope this year in his life will begin to show him the most important "3" that has come to be everything for Luke and I--that of the Trinity: the Father, Son and Holy Ghost "3". We've wondered how to get this lesson across to our young son, a message that means the world and yet still amazes us, confuses us, and shows us we have much to learn about the God we serve. Perhaps, and we hope to be on the right track with this one, we can show him how to have faith by learning to live by faith ourselves. We hope he falls in love with God, and perhaps it will help him to witness us falling even deeper in love with God ourselves.
And maybe in order to draw Tyler to crave the wisdom of the Bible, perhaps we need to be reading scripture more ourselves. And what better way to celebrate the number 3 than ending with 1 Cor 13:13...
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Happy 3rd Birthday to our T-Man! We love, love, love you!
It's everywhere: the number 3, which makes me think (and wish I could remember that time of life myself) it's a pretty cool age to be for Tyler.
The world is still pretty new, and everyday is an incredible learning experience. At 3 the bonus is you are starting to understand more and be able to converse about your thoughts (which makes for some really cute sayings and to be fair some not so cute--please don't say that in public--sayings).
Most importantly, I hope this year in his life will begin to show him the most important "3" that has come to be everything for Luke and I--that of the Trinity: the Father, Son and Holy Ghost "3". We've wondered how to get this lesson across to our young son, a message that means the world and yet still amazes us, confuses us, and shows us we have much to learn about the God we serve. Perhaps, and we hope to be on the right track with this one, we can show him how to have faith by learning to live by faith ourselves. We hope he falls in love with God, and perhaps it will help him to witness us falling even deeper in love with God ourselves.
And maybe in order to draw Tyler to crave the wisdom of the Bible, perhaps we need to be reading scripture more ourselves. And what better way to celebrate the number 3 than ending with 1 Cor 13:13...
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Happy 3rd Birthday to our T-Man! We love, love, love you!
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Learning to Barter
Bartering is not my thing. It gives me anxiety to think about offering a price for something other than the price requested even when I know it's higher than it should be. When we traveled to India back in 2006 we were told to barter otherwise we would pay a lot more than the actual price. I couldn't do it. My only successful attempts were when I really didn't want the item anyway: I would start walking away and they would keep lowering the price. One shop we went into had these amazing handcarved wooden products. We bought so many to bring home without asking for a significant price reduction (actually, didn't really ask for one at all) that, I'm sure out of his compassion for ignorant/dumb tourists, he threw in a couple of freebies.
At one point in my life I remember thinking I wanted to try to barter a price at a yard sale we stopped at, and so I did. I offered a lower price, to which the woman (who was in charge of the whole thing) looked at me as if I was crazy and responded a simple, "No." So I handed over what she originally asked and bolted out of there (urging Luke to move faster) before launching into a 30 minute discussion about whether or not the woman thought I was a total cheapskate, was I a cheapskate?, I didn't mean to offend, I hope we don't ever run into her on the streets, I don't think I'm a cheapskate, do you think I am a cheapskate? (Luke: No, of course not...) and so on.
Needless to say, poor Luke had a lot of reassuring to do that morning, and I have never asked for a lower price at a yard sale since.
Recently however, we were all gathered around for soup and salad at lunchtime, and I saw a glimmer of confident bartering in myself that seems to have emerged from the ashes.
Tyler wanted to have a popsicle (or "ice lolly" if you are in England). We make them out of a fruit smoothie mixture, and they have been a hit so far. I wanted him to take a couple more bites of his lunch before the lolly, and knowing he is quickly developing a set of negotiating skills that could make for a long drawn out process, I aimed my requirements high.
Me: You can have your lolly after you have 5 bites of salad.
He immediately caught on that this number was a bit higher than is normally sufficient, he matched me with a low ball figure.
Tyler: How about I take 2 bites.
And the responses after that came together like a perfectly cut key to a greased lock.
Me: Well, you'll need to eat more than 2. I'll make it 4, but you'll need to start eating those bites right now to keep that offer.
Tyler: How about I take 2 bites.
Me: No, 2 is too low. Your body will barely make any profit on that amount of vegetable consumption. Think about all the energy and calories used just to chew the salad. You need at least a little extra to live on. Here's what I'll do. I can bring it down to 3 bites, but that's my final offer. That's as low as I can go. 3 bites and then the ice lolly is yours. What do you say?
Tyler: Okay, I will do 3 bites and then I get one ice lolly?
Me: That's right. You really couldn't get a better deal if you tried.
Tyler: Okay Mommy. That sounds like a good one.
And the bartering deal was sealed. Victory! Maybe it's time to take another trip to India...or make sure we have a back-up supply of ice lollies, once those bartering chips are gone I am stuck.
At one point in my life I remember thinking I wanted to try to barter a price at a yard sale we stopped at, and so I did. I offered a lower price, to which the woman (who was in charge of the whole thing) looked at me as if I was crazy and responded a simple, "No." So I handed over what she originally asked and bolted out of there (urging Luke to move faster) before launching into a 30 minute discussion about whether or not the woman thought I was a total cheapskate, was I a cheapskate?, I didn't mean to offend, I hope we don't ever run into her on the streets, I don't think I'm a cheapskate, do you think I am a cheapskate? (Luke: No, of course not...) and so on.
Needless to say, poor Luke had a lot of reassuring to do that morning, and I have never asked for a lower price at a yard sale since.
Recently however, we were all gathered around for soup and salad at lunchtime, and I saw a glimmer of confident bartering in myself that seems to have emerged from the ashes.
Tyler wanted to have a popsicle (or "ice lolly" if you are in England). We make them out of a fruit smoothie mixture, and they have been a hit so far. I wanted him to take a couple more bites of his lunch before the lolly, and knowing he is quickly developing a set of negotiating skills that could make for a long drawn out process, I aimed my requirements high.
Me: You can have your lolly after you have 5 bites of salad.
He immediately caught on that this number was a bit higher than is normally sufficient, he matched me with a low ball figure.
Tyler: How about I take 2 bites.
And the responses after that came together like a perfectly cut key to a greased lock.
Me: Well, you'll need to eat more than 2. I'll make it 4, but you'll need to start eating those bites right now to keep that offer.
Tyler: How about I take 2 bites.
Me: No, 2 is too low. Your body will barely make any profit on that amount of vegetable consumption. Think about all the energy and calories used just to chew the salad. You need at least a little extra to live on. Here's what I'll do. I can bring it down to 3 bites, but that's my final offer. That's as low as I can go. 3 bites and then the ice lolly is yours. What do you say?
Tyler: Okay, I will do 3 bites and then I get one ice lolly?
Me: That's right. You really couldn't get a better deal if you tried.
Tyler: Okay Mommy. That sounds like a good one.
And the bartering deal was sealed. Victory! Maybe it's time to take another trip to India...or make sure we have a back-up supply of ice lollies, once those bartering chips are gone I am stuck.
Sunday, 11 September 2011
The Magic of Lollipops
Tyler and I had a fun time the other day painting pictures. And for the first time in awhile I decided to play music while we painted. It was one of those things that as you are putting it on you wonder why you don't do it more often. I put on the cd of songs from Luke's and my wedding, and soon, to the curiosity and bewilderment of my darling son I was spinning around the kitchen. Maybe, my sudden urge to dance came from a lack of coffee or too much coffee, too little sleep or not enough exercise, but whatever the reason Tyler (for a minute) was into it.
Then he had a request: he wanted to listen to a lollipop song. We didn't have a lollipop song. I listed out suggestions, tried to make them seem like they were similar to lollipops. An ode to a lollipop: "How Sweet it is to be Loved by You", a song about the ingredients in a lollipop: "Sugar, Sugar" or a song about a girl who must have loved lollipops because they call her "Sweet Caroline". But Tyler would have none of it. The lyrics were important in this case and the words had to show their loyalty by actually singing about "lollipops".
And then I flashed back to my sister's preschool graduation...where cute as can be kiddos (I thought I was a much older sister than the 3 years between us would suggest) danced to the Lollipop Song while holding enormous lollipops.
Not having the footage, I turned to YouTube to help me win "Mom of the Day" award and there was extreme success...an array of options to look at which all included the Lollipop Song. I turned to the original version to start (what's better than the actual Chordettes singing it?), and we danced and danced and danced. Luke came in and started dancing too. Something about the harmonies and the memories, something about dancing in the kitchen, something about singing about lollipops was magical that day. In fact, I still have lollipops singing around in my head.
That day, it was Tyler that had to tell Luke and me: "Okay, we are all done with that one. Time to go outside and play." To which we protested a bit, but then came to understand his reasoning. It was sunny out, and in England you really have to take advantage of that when you can.
So we went out to play, and then soon after dropped Tyler off for his second day of afternoon nursery school. We waited until we were sure he was okay (after the teachers came out in the hall several times to assure us he was happily playing with Bob the Builder blocks), and we scooted back home. Before working, before cleaning, before doing anything, Luke and I looked at each other and smiled.
And we danced to one more Lollipop song, like little kids sneaking another cookie out of the jar.
Then he had a request: he wanted to listen to a lollipop song. We didn't have a lollipop song. I listed out suggestions, tried to make them seem like they were similar to lollipops. An ode to a lollipop: "How Sweet it is to be Loved by You", a song about the ingredients in a lollipop: "Sugar, Sugar" or a song about a girl who must have loved lollipops because they call her "Sweet Caroline". But Tyler would have none of it. The lyrics were important in this case and the words had to show their loyalty by actually singing about "lollipops".
And then I flashed back to my sister's preschool graduation...where cute as can be kiddos (I thought I was a much older sister than the 3 years between us would suggest) danced to the Lollipop Song while holding enormous lollipops.
Not having the footage, I turned to YouTube to help me win "Mom of the Day" award and there was extreme success...an array of options to look at which all included the Lollipop Song. I turned to the original version to start (what's better than the actual Chordettes singing it?), and we danced and danced and danced. Luke came in and started dancing too. Something about the harmonies and the memories, something about dancing in the kitchen, something about singing about lollipops was magical that day. In fact, I still have lollipops singing around in my head.
That day, it was Tyler that had to tell Luke and me: "Okay, we are all done with that one. Time to go outside and play." To which we protested a bit, but then came to understand his reasoning. It was sunny out, and in England you really have to take advantage of that when you can.
So we went out to play, and then soon after dropped Tyler off for his second day of afternoon nursery school. We waited until we were sure he was okay (after the teachers came out in the hall several times to assure us he was happily playing with Bob the Builder blocks), and we scooted back home. Before working, before cleaning, before doing anything, Luke and I looked at each other and smiled.
And we danced to one more Lollipop song, like little kids sneaking another cookie out of the jar.
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